Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Abuse in a relationship

Many women assume that if they're not being physically abused by their partner, then they're not being abused. That's not necessarily true. You may be in a relationship which is draining something from you -- you might not have recognized that your partner has eroded your self-esteem and happiness.













You might be confused about whether what's happening to you is abuse. This info helps you understand the different kinds of abuse.

Abuse or violence in a relationship is about a pattern of behaviour that one person uses against another to intimidate them and to get them to do what they want. Abuse is not just physical violence. Emotional or sexual abuse can be just as harmful as physical violence.

Examples of these forms of abuse are:

Emotional abuse

This is when your boyfriend or girlfriend puts you down, ignores you or calls you names. It may be about what you are wearing, or how you're acting. They may want you to stop spending time with your friends and question you on every detail of what you've done without them. They may use jealousy or anger to intimidate you or to control your behaviour, or might deliberately humiliate you in front of others. They might try to manipulate you and make you feel wrong, inadequate or like you're crazy. Another form of emotional abuse is if they threaten to hurt themselves or other people if you break up with them. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. Emotional abuse is if they threaten to hurt themselves or other people if you break up with them. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse.

Emotional abuse is if they threaten to hurt themselves or other people if you break up with them. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse.


Physical abuse

This involves physical acts such as hitting, slapping, pushing, kicking, pulling your hair or choking you, or threatening to harm you in any way. It could involve using a weapon or an object to threaten or hurt you, smashing things or driving a car dangerously to frighten you. Hurting someone physically or threatening to hurt them is a criminal offence.

Sexual abuse

This involves pressuring or forcing you to do sexual things that you don't want to do. Even if they have not physically forced you to have sex with them, if they tried to manipulate you or coerce you into having sex when you didn't want to (like if they say 'you'd do it if you really loved me' or 'you're frigid'), this is still sexual abuse. It is also sexual assault if you have been drinking or taking drugs or if you were asleep or unconscious and you were not aware of what was happening. Rape and other forms of sexual assault are criminal offences.

Addendum:
I've seen variations of the below text on the internet. It wasn't written specifically about this problem, but it struck me as a fairly accurate description of how impossible it is to interact with an emotional abuser. (Damned if you do, damned if you don't.)

If you argue with him, he says you're stubborn.
If you're quiet, he argues with you anyway.
If you call him, he says you're needy and clingy.
If he calls you, he thinks you should be grateful.
If you don't act like you love him, he'll try to win you over.
If you tell him you love him, he takes advantage of you.
If you dress sexy, he says you're a slut.
If you don't dress nice, he says you look bad.
When you don't sleep with him, he says you don't love him.
If you do sleep with him, he only does it the way he likes it.
If you tell him your problems, he says you're bothering him,
If you don't, he says you don't trust him.
If you try to bring up a problem, he says you're bitching.
If he brings up a problem, he yells.
If you break a promise, you "can't be trusted".
If he breaks it, it's because "he had to".
If you cheat, he wants to punish you by locking you up or beating you.
If he cheats, he expects to be given another chance.

P/s: If you are in an abusive relationship, please get help and
talk to someone


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